an early letter to santa

Day 16 NaWriMoPo November challenge, now we’re entering the silly stage but, hey it’s technically a “post” and I think we’re having fun now!

Dear Santa,

I know it may be early for you but I daresay the elves who do all or most of the actual work, as the movies have pointed out, might have a slight problem hammering this request out, even if I’d put in my order last Easter. Perhaps you could get the Missus in on it because, when it comes to children (and I still feel like one if that counts) women can be very creative about getting the things done that will make them happy.

nice mouth002I want a real big mouth like this one, and I have a very good reason. You see my dentist sent me a notice more than a month ago saying that it was time for my dental checkup. It seems like I was just there last week, and seeing what a hard time he has with my small mouth, I’m surprised he’d even remind me.

Everytime he or his assistant tries to poke an x-ray in my mouth and stand back to press the button, I hold my breath (they keep telling me not to, but when my mouth is open as wide as I can get it, I can’t breathe anyway) and just as they’re saying “hold still” my stomach upheaves and I vomit the x-ray up and they have to start all over again. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries before they get the picture they want and get on with the general cleaning and checkup which is no picnic for any of us.

I’ve been real good most of the year. Why, I just spent two hours printing out a manual for a hand-held computer SIL gave Hubby to play with, and I must say he’s having a fine time playing with some of the features even without a manual so I doubt you’ll need to bring him anything else at all. But if you insist I’m sure it’ll be okay with him–as long as it’s something electronic that he can carry around and play with if he gets bored and there’s no television around. Do you get bored the rest of the year when you’re not having to think about Christmas? Do they have cable in the North Pole?

Well anyhow, if you could come up with a way to get me a bigger mouth, I promise that right after Christmas I’ll call my dentist and set up an appointment with him. Don’t bother with the braces or the tongue piercing like in the picture I’m enclosing, but if it’s not too much trouble, a set of nice white straight teeth would be very nice. At my age I don’t want to wear braces and we don’t have dental insurance anyhow. Oh, and never mind the little stud to pierce the tongue. I don’t want any extra contraptions that might keep me from enjoying all that space in there.

I thank you in advance and hope you have a clear and starry night for delivering all our presents this year. Give my best to the Missus!

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